American Idol, I Think We Should Start Seeing Other People

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

That's it, American Idol.

You have broken my heart for the last time. Carly Smithson is out instead of Brooke White or Jason Castro. Are you frickin' kidding me????

It's been a great six years, and we've had some good times together, but you've crossed the line. I can't go on like this anymore.

No, no. Don't try to apologize and promise me that David Cook is going to win.

It's over.

I'm deleting your 1-866 numbers from my cell phone and canceling my series recording on the DVR.

You're officially dumped.

Oh No! John Cusack Apparently Is A Douche!

Just a few weeks ago, I expressed my secret fear that John Cusack might be a douche, and according to an Aussie screenwriter, he is! There goes my fantasy about being Mrs. Lloyd Dobler!

According to a story in the Sydney Daily Telegraph, John Leyden went to Canada to oversee the production of The Factory last year, and quickly saw the ugly side of John Cusack.

"John Cusack was one of my favourite actors until I met him," Leyden said yesterday, claiming that the actor's diva antics and tardiness cost the production tons of money.

"I have to say one thing - and this is my favourite line when people ask me what I think of John Cusack - he plays nice guys on film. So, read between the lines."

Leyden accused Cusack of often arriving "hours late" for work. "He cost us a lot of money and he was getting paid a lot of cash and he would just be two hours late to set, wouldn't apologise for keeping everyone waiting in the snow... a real prima donna.

"Everyone thought he was a really nice guy [prior to filming] and all I can say is that it was a really nice day when he wrapped," Leyden said.

Stephen Hawking Is A Funny Guy!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

He has to speak through a mechanical device that has a disconcerting monotone, but even with that deadpan delivery, Stephen Hawking managed to crack a few jokes in a speech he gave yesterday at George Washington University in honor of NASA's 50th anniversary.

He revealed he has been pondering whether we alone in the universe. His answer: probably not.

But if there are other life forms in the universe, the astrophysicist pondered, why haven't we stumbled onto some alien broadcasts in space, maybe something like "alien quiz shows?"

He came up with three answers to whether or not we are alone. One possibility is that there likely isn't life elsewhere. Or maybe there is intelligent life out there, but when it gets smart enough to send signals into space, it is also clever enough to make destructive nuclear weapons.

Hawking, who suffers from ALS, said he prefers the third possibility: "Primitive life is very common and intelligent life is fairly rare," he then added: "Some would say it has yet to occur on Earth."

The Brit, who has previously guest-starred on The Simpsons, then got in touch with his inner Trekkie and said he believes that "if the human race is to continue for another million years, we will have to boldly go where no one has gone before."

Hawking compared people who don't want to spend money on space exploration to those who opposed the journey of Christopher Columbus in 1492. "The discovery of the New World made a profound difference to the old. Just think, we wouldn't have had a Big Mac or KFC."

Too Much Paula Is Not A Good Thing

Paula Abdul is threatening to appear on Dancing With the Stars next season according to OK! magazine.

"It would be a phenomenal experience for me to be a student and to learn a form of dance that I’ve never been introduced to," she said after watching a taping of the show on Monday.

Having caught a few scenes of Hey Paula!, I have to confess that I would enjoy her inevitable meltdowns as she cried under the pressure of the grueling rehearsal schedule that every DWTS contestant moans about.

But can MC Scat Cat be her partner?

This Dog Is Obviously Not A Star Wars Fan

What's the difference between Natalie Portman and a fire hydrant?

Not very much, according to this dog who lifted his leg on her.

Everyone's a critic!

Jason Castro Gives The Worst Idol Performance In Living "Memory"

My ears! I knew Andrew Lloyd Webber night on American Idol was going to be a challenge, but Jason Castro outdid himself in an excruciating performance of "Memory." This boy has to go home tomorrow night or I will stop watching Idol. (I mean it this time!)

There was a story today in the Los Angeles Times about the fact that Idol viewership is waaay down this season. They've lost one-fifth of female viewers aged 18 to 34 and the same number of kids aged 2 to 11.

I'm not surprised. In addition to Andrew Lloyd Webber, Dolly Parton and Neil Diamond (he's coming up at the beginning of May) are mentors this year. AARP members rejoice!

And tonight I saw Paul Stanley in the audience. While I might get a laugh out of a Kiss night, what happened to the days when people were singing K.T. Tunstall and Mary J. Blige songs?

But, despite what Randy Jackson might say, it's not all about song choice. Sure, it's a competition, but nowadays, Idol contestants seem to be cold and calculating automatons who have their eyes solely on the prize and none of the personality and enthusiasm of the kids from the show's earlier seasons.

I dug right down to the bottom of my soul and I feel nothing for the Idols this year (well, except for my Aussie Michael Johns...). Producers should be helping us to get to know and care about these people, doing more backstory pieces, doing a day in the life of the contestants, where we get to see them being dorky, goofing off. We keep hearing about them being roommates, but what about the stories about who's the messiest, who eats the grossest food, who's grumpy first thing in the morning... anything that would show that they aren't robots!

And speaking of things mechanical and unfeeling, it brings me back to Jason Castro's performance tonight. "Memory" is about someone who was once happy and beautiful and loved who has been cast out and in her declining years desperately wants to feel loved once more. Sung well, it'll tug at your heart strings. Jason's rendition of "Memory" brought tears to my eyes... as I beat my head against the wall and tried to pull my hair out.

Hair's Looking At You, Jude

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Hey Jude Law,

It's time to admit that you're losing the battle against male pattern baldness.

Either you call William Shatner and find out who makes the squirrel he wears on his head, or you reach out to Jeremy Piven for the phone number of the doctor who put in his hair plugs.

But please, for the love of God, don't go all Billy Zane chrome dome on us!

Heath Lives On In His Mini-Me Matilda

Michelle Williams and her daughter, Matilda, enjoyed the sunshine in Brooklyn on Saturday.

On Tuesday, it will be three months since Heath died.

It must comfort his family that Matilda is looking more and more like her dad every day.

It's Silly, But It Makes Me Smile

One Of These Men Is Robbie Williams

The pic is from a story in The Guardian about Robbie's visit to a UFO conference.

Crush. Officially. Over.

This Girl's Best Friend Is Her Hairdresser?

Ken Paves, why are you letting Jessica Simpson step out with hair like this?

Her hairstyle kinda reminds me of something...

Perhaps I shouldn't be so mean. Star magazine is reporting that Jess has a drinking problem that started when she began dating Tony Romo and recently led to her hospitalization for an "infection."

Nah, who am I kidding? Friends don't let friends drive drunk and they don't let those drunk friends leave the house with hair like this, either!

Is Madonna Trying To Tell Miley Cyrus That She Sucks?

A video of Madonna vacuuming has surfaced on You Tube, and in it she references all the people doing videos to her single "4 Minutes"... I wonder if it's a message to Miley Cyrus?



In other Madonna news, she offered an interviewer from the Sydney Daily Telegraph a piece of hard candy from her handbag (get it?) and admitted that she wants to learn how to cook this year. When the journalist asked her what the next year will bring, the mother-of-three said: "I am going to collapse in a heap. Then I am going to do a tour, then another film, then I am going to learn how to cook.''

So Madge can vacuum, but she can't cook?

"No, nothing. Toast and scrambled eggs - that's all.''

James Van Der Beek "Sparkles" On How I Met Your Mother

So Britney Spears is set to reprise her role on How I Met Your Mother, but more importantly (to some) Robin Sparkles is back tomorrow night and this time she's swapping spit with James Van Der Beek (who totally has Luke Perry hair). It's not "Let's Go To The Mall" but Dawson makes up for it. Here's a sneak peek:

Is It Just Me...

...Or does Sienna Miller in her new role as The Baroness in G.I. Joe look like Kate Beckinsale in Underworld?

Russell Helps Robert Find His Inner Aussie

Robert Downey Jr. credits Russell Crowe with helping to shape his controversial character in the new film Tropic Thunder.

In the film, Robert plays a white Aussie actor who undergoes a medical procedure in order to play a black character, and in an interview with the Sydney Sunday Telegraph, Robert admitted that Rusty was his inspiration for the over-the-top method actor.

"[It's based on Russell Crowe] in so much as I think he's brilliant,'' Robert said. "Any of the crazy stuff or where he would be a prima donna, no. But as far as the high esteem in which he's held and that he's butch and kind of transforms into the characters he plays, sure.''

Check out the trailer:

You Win Some, You Lose Some

Danica Patrick won her first Indy car race in Japan today, beating out former Dancing With the Stars winner Helio Castroneves.

She's the first woman to ever win an Indy race.

Girl power!

It's just a pity that before she was a winner, she ruined my high opinion of her by doing this (see below).

Way to be a role model!

I Think We're Going To Need A Bigger Litter Box



A three-month-old liger (cross between a tiger and a lion) lives in a Russian apartment.

Now Brooke White Has Another Reason to Cry

I confess, I am not immune to a case of the waterworks but Brooke White gets overly emotional every week on American Idol.

I'm sure the teardrops began to fall when the too-good-to-be-true nanny learned that she's been nominated as the new votefortheworst.com pick now that Kristy Lee Cook is gone.

The Japanese Really Know How To Throw A Festival

Friday, April 18, 2008



A 300-year-old fertility festival at a Japanese shrine celebrates the coming of spring with... penises!

Cate Blanchett Is The Best Celebrity Ever!

J. Lo, Christina, Nicole Richie et al, here's a lesson in CLASS. Instead of hiding your child under a blanket in the hope that you can make squillions selling the photos exclusively, take a leaf out of Cate Blanchett's book.

The down-to-earth Oscar winner took her 6-day-old son Iggy with her when she chaired a cultural summit at Australia's Parliament House today and even showed the baby off during a photo call.

She's my hero.

Just Pointing It Out

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Goldfrapp's new video for "Happiness"...


Is obviously inspired by 1953's Small Town Girl starring Bobby Van (yes, I've watched That's Entertainment a lot).


But I like them both.

Tori A Gay Icon? Since When?

Tori Spelling proclaimed today that she's a gay icon. "I'm a huge fan of gays. They love me; I love them. They consider me kind of a gay icon, which they've labeled me as," she told Reuters.

Oh, really?

I'm a friend of many Friends of Dorothy and I've never heard the name Tori mentioned in the same reverential tone as Barbra, Judy, Liza, Cher and Dolly.

A case of wishful thinking, Tori? Well, she does look like a man in drag (even with the baby bump), has a dysfunctional relationship with her mother, and she's more camp than a row of tents, so maybe she is a gay icon after all!

Where Do I Send My Application?

Miley Cyrus has signed a multimillion-dollar deal to write her autobiography. Well, she's not actually writing it herself, OK! magazine reports that Disney is looking for someone to ghostwrite it for her.

OMG, this is totally the job for me!

I already know the lyrics to "See You Again" (sadly I like that song), I know her best friend is named Mandy and I've watched an episode of Hannah Montana (well, it was only an ad but it felt like a whole episode)...

How much more do I need to know? Miley is only 15, after all, the book couldn't be more than a couple of thousand words long.

Does The Sight Of Britney Spears Make You Want To Hit The Gym?

There are rumors doing the rounds that Bally's Total Fitness wants Britney Spears to star in its commercials, but Brit's dad, Jamie, has apparently denied it.

Good, cause the Cheeto queen promoting a gym would be like Kirstie Alley or Monica Lewinsky promoting Jenny Craig. Oh wait... Never mind.

This Woman Is A Fashion Designer

Mary-Kate Olsen wore this ensemble to New Year's In April: A Fools Fete in New York City last night.

Someone should have told MK that her halo had slipped.

The Theme Song For Tonight Is...

Wednesday, April 16, 2008



"Move On" by David Jordan.

Sorry, Lacey. David Cook Is Single

Tonight on American Idol, David Cook was asked by a dial-in caller whether he was single, and he looked at the camera and said yes.

Earlier today People ran a story claiming that David was dating Lacey Schwimmer from So You Think You Can Dance, but it seems he has his eyes on the real prize.

Since my favorite Michael Johns is gone, and Carly Smithson is probably heading home soon, my money is on David to win Idol.

PS. The best thing about the People story was the fact that Lacey and Adam Shankman (Hairspray director) are teaming up to do a spoof of Miley Cyrus' Miley & Mandy Show. Can't wait!

Brigitte Is At It Again

Former sex kitten Brigitte Bardot is mouthing off again, and this time it could land her in jail.

The 74-year-old animal rights activist spouted off against Muslims in an open letter complaining about their cruelty to sheep during the Aid-el-Kebir festival.

She was accused of inciting racial hatred against Muslims in a Paris court yesterday where the public prosecutor asked the judge to find her guilty, jail her for two months and fine her £12,000. The verdict will be delivered on June 3.

Brigitte – who wasn't present in the court – has four previous convictions for anti-gay and racist remarks.

Becks Likes Big Butts... And His Eyes Don't Lie

David Beckham checks out a cheerleader's curves at a basketball game in L.A. and prays that his wife, Victoria, will eat a sandwich or three.

I Think The Clock Is Ticking Down...

...On Christian Siriano's 15 minutes of fame. While I loved him on Project Runway, I fear that I'm getting a little fierce-d out.

He is coming up on Ugly Betty on May 1, and when asked by People who was the fiercest cast member of them all, the 22-year-old said: “Ooooh, they’re as fierce and ferocious as they can be. Vanessa Williams is the queen of fierceness and Becki Newton is the princess." Catchphrases quickly become cliche.

Are They Movie Fans?

The prosecutors in Wesley Snipes' tax evasion case said in court documents filed in Florida on Monday that the case is "crying out" for him to serve the maximum penalty: up to three years in prison.

The Blade star was found guilty in February of failing to file a tax return and is set to be sentenced on April 24.

The prosecutors are obviously not fans of To Wong Foo...Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar. However, I'm sure some would argue that they are doing Hollywood a favor. What was the last good Wesley Snipes movie you saw?

How To Get Posh Under Your Power

Frasier Ross, the owner of Kitson is a very clever man. Not only has he worked out how to sell T-shirts to celebrities and wannabes for $85 a pop, he knows how to make a Spice Girl do his bidding.

After he announced over the weekend that he was pulling Victoria Beckham's dVb jeans line from his store, partly because she couldn't find time in her schedule to promote the line, Posh miraculously found 15 minutes to drop by his Robertson Blvd. boutique yesterday.

"Our meeting went great and I hope we can get dVb back on track," Frasier told OK! following the visit.

Finally, I See Why Elvis Loved Priscilla

Sure, Elvis could do this:


But Priscilla could do this:


She should have been allowed to stay on Dancing With the Stars simply because she's a 62-year-old woman who can do the splits!

Is It Too Early For A Bump Watch?

Ashlee Simpson didn't deny yesterday that she's expecting, telling MTV News: "Some things, you want to keep personal, and I think that when people deny [pregnancy reports], it's probably because it's something they want to keep personal."

And now she's wearing loose sweatshirts and oversize jackets. Sigh.

What is it about celebrities nowadays that they won't just come out and say it?

The secret will be revealed sooner or later!

Right, J. Lo and Christina?

Photos: INF

Danger, Will Robinson!

Hey NASA, sure you put a man on the moon, but it's been pretty much downhill since then, hasn't it? Today we learned that a 13-year-old German school kid had caught the space agency out on another mistake.

According to the AFP, the super geek corrected NASA's estimates on the chances of an asteroid colliding with Earth, after spotting the boffins had miscalculated.

Nico Marquardt used telescopic findings from the Institute of Astrophysics in Potsdam to calculate that there was a 1 in 450 chance that the Apophis asteroid will collide with Earth in 2029. NASA had previously estimated the chances at only 1 in 45,000 but told its sister organisation, the European Space Agency, that the brainiac had got it right.

[UPDATE: Tonight NASA claimed that the earlier story was incorrect and that they were right and the boy was wrong...]

If this was the first fuck-up, I wouldn't be alarmed (I'm not even going to talk about the chunks of foam that keep flying off the space shuttles), but last year, NASA backtracked on its claim that 1998 was the hottest year on record, blaming a serious math error.

Back in 1999, NASA lost its $125 million Mars Climate Orbiter in a mix-up over calculations involving metric and English measurements. Seriously.

In 1989, two astronauts on a six-month sojourn at the International Space Station almost starved to death when, just 30 days into their trip, the two men suddenly found themselves running low on food (thanks to a NASA miscalculation).

According to a report in Rolling Stone: With a resupply mission weeks away, their rations dwindled to the point that they were subsisting mostly on desserts and hard Russian candies. By the time they plunged back to Earth in a tiny capsule, their knees pinned against their chests, they had each lost nearly 10 pounds.

Who's working there, monkeys?















NASA screw ups are such a given that in 1999, Ben Stiller directed a TV pilot for FOX (Heat Vision and Jack) starring Jack Black that told the story of an astronaut who gains super powers due to a NASA miscalculation that puts him way too close to the sun.

Would You Let Amy Winehouse Hold Your Baby?





















Me neither. God knows where that nose has been!

Photo: Ramey

The Theme Song For Today Is...

Tuesday, April 15, 2008



"Black and Gold" by Sam Sparro.

What's Up With That?

I spent the day in Mount Sinai hospital yesterday and none of the doctors looked like this.

Why can't life be more like TV?

The Theme Song For Today Is...

Monday, April 14, 2008



"If I Can Dream" by Elvis Presley.

Move Over, Leo DiCaprio

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Kingston is King of the World!!!!!!!!!!!

Photo: Pacific Coast News

Sting Spends $26.5 Million On New York City Apartment...

... But he's going to spend millions more to transform his new Manhattan penthouse from this:
















To this (insert "Roxanne" and tantric sex jokes here):

Now I Wish I Hadn't Eaten That Cupcake

I should put this picture of Eva Longoria from the new Bebe Sport campaign on my fridge.

Muttering to self: A second on your lips, a lifetime on your hips.

That's One Fat Cat

Three-year-old Italian pussy Orazio likes lasagna, sleeping by the fridge and slow moonlit walks to the litter box...

While the five other cats he lives with run out of his way at dinner time, the mice just point and laugh.

Cate Blanchett Names Baby After Saint Not Fruit

Cate Blanchett gave birth to her third son in Sydney today and named him Ignatius Martin Upton, the Sydney Daily Telegraph is reporting.

Her other kids are named Dashiell, 6, and Roman, 3. Not an Apple or a Peach among them.

Just yesterday she was out and about attending her sister's graduation (right). And despite being nine months pregnant, she looked stylish! Give that woman an award.

Photo: Fame

Hayden Disses Ex-Pal Paris

Just three years ago Hayden Panettiere was clubbing and smoking cigarettes with Paris Hilton, but in a new interview on showbizspy.com, she's taking a swipe at her former BFF.

“The interesting thing to me is, if you think about it, the glamor of Hollywood has been dimmed down by people that don’t necessarily love what they do or their craft,” she says. “I think people who are mainly in the public eye and deal with this [attention], a lot of them like it and enjoy it. I don’t really enjoy going out, it’s a nightmare in my opinion.”

Wait, so 18-year-old Hayden (who's only slightly taller than a midget) is looking down on Paris? I blame her much-older, more serious boyfriend, Milo Ventimiglia. He's turned her into a fame-hating homebody. B-O-R-I-N-G.

“I don’t ever go out,” she said. The Heroes star added that fame is a pain in the ass and said that she drives everywhere to avoid being recognized on the street. “I stay at home. I go from garage to garage, and keep myself out of sight.”

Oh well, there goes her chance of being the next Lindsay Lohan.

Oh, Now I Get It

Just as I was trying to wrap my head around Natalie Portman dating Devendra Banhart, I stumbled across an interesting story on Yahoo News that explains why beautiful women marry fugly men.

A new study published in the Journal of Family Psychology reveals "couples in which the wife is better looking than her husband are more positive and supportive than other match-ups." Researchers say that's because men place great value on beauty (duh!), whereas women are more interested in having a supportive spouse.

The study discovered that both husbands and wives behaved more positively when the woman was better looking.

"The husband who's less physically attractive than his wife is getting something more than maybe he can expect to get,"
lead researcher James McNulty of the University of Tennessee said. "He's getting something better than he's providing at that level. So he's going to work hard to maintain that relationship."

But when the guy was the good looker, both partners were less supportive of one another.

McNulty said the "grass could be greener" mentality could make these men less satisfied and less committed to maintain the marriage.

OMG, so that's the reason Brad and Jen broke up!

The Theme Song For Today Is...



"I Wanna Be Sedated"

It's Time To Confiscate Britney's Car Keys

I don't often say this, but I am so glad that I don't live in L.A. Why? Not because of the smog or the earthquakes. There's a far greater danger prowling the streets of Hollywood - Britney Spears behind the wheel of a car!

She was in a minor fender bender last night on the 405 freeway. Britney rear-ended a car that then hit another car. Thankfully, no one was hurt (although if I was the driver of the car she hit, I'd start wearing a neck brace and limping...).

But come on, people. She should have her license revoked. How many driving-related incidents has Britney had over the past couple of years?

Hmmm, off the top of my head (and yes, it's sad I know all this):
  • She drove with her son, Sean Preston, on her lap.
  • She drove with her son, Sean Preston, in a front-facing car seat in her convertible.
  • She hit a parked car and then left the scene of the accident (hit and run!).
  • She drove without a valid California driver's license.
  • She drove over a paparazzi's foot!
  • And she sped through a red light (with Sean Preston and a court-appointed monitor in the car) while holding her Sidekick in front of her face.
Daddy Jamie, it's time to ground your daughter. Or at the very least, let the bodyguard drive.

Sean Preston, when you see Mommy reach for the car keys, run and hide!

Moonlight Madness



This promo has me so excited, I had to watch it twice. I can't wait for Moonlight to come back to TV, but Mick completely shirtless doesn't really do it for me. I think it's cause he trimmed his chest hair. Surprisingly Alex O'Loughlin looks better with a shirt on.

Posh Dumped!

Saturday, April 12, 2008

I wish I could say Victoria Beckham got the heave-ho from Becks, but she's only been dropped by L.A. store Kitson. News of the World is reporting that Kitson and Fred Segal have dumped Posh's DVB jeans line, partly because she wouldn't promote it. Why? It couldn't be because she has such a busy schedule? What's she been doing since the Spice Girls tour ended???

Fraser Ross, owner of Kitson, reportedly said: "We asked her PR people so many times for her to appear but she didn't. Celebrity lines are no different from an album or music tour. They have to be promoted to sell."


 

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